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Monday, August 31, 2009

But there were lessons learned

Optimism and honesty. These are the two crucial components necessary in order to survive the recovery process.

Yes, it's smart to be realistic, but studies show that those who are optimistic and have higher expectations, tend to have a better prognosis for recovery. It makes complete sense. If you think you'll do well, you will. Self-motivation and determination are key to help push yourself and test your limits.  This requires honesty.  Don't hold back on any thoughts and feelings.  If something is bothering you, let it be known because holding it in will only hold you back in the end, as you contemplate the 'what if' questions.  However, I believe I have the tendency to be too honest with myself.  I know how my mind works and how rigid and confident I am with my thoughts, therefore I need 'tough love' from others to help me change (which, by the way, I don't believe I'm receiving right now).  I'm so worried and wrapped up in a plethora of thoughts in regards to my progress and future that I've forgotten how to set  small, attainable goals.  In therapy, I was asked to brainstorm small, simple goals.  Well, my mind went completely blank.  I'm not sure how to take a step back to begin with, let alone conceive realistic "baby-step" goals.  No wonder I can't be mindful or meditative.  In fact, my honesty be hindering my recovery process.  Maybe my honesty is fictional and blocks the real truth.

Today, I am overwhelmed and worried.  I am worried that, psychologically, I won't change and I'm overwhelmed with my thoughts.  Today was supposed to be the first day of my senior year of college.  Sometimes, I forget life is continuing while I'm here.  I forget that I'm missing out on social and campus events with all my friends.  Yes, today, I've been thinking about my life in Pittsburgh to a great extent.  Thankfully, I have optimum by my side to help get me through days like today.  I have some optimism and a new book titled, Eat, Pray, Love.

I found this quote and thought it was appropriate for today: "Having a positive mental attitude is asking how something can be done rather than saying it can't be done."  Yeah, I need to work on this.

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