LIFE IS TOUGH.
So, I took that recommendation to heart and met Jenn and Brittni for manicures followed by a therapeutic visit to Twist. Note to self: buy a cute helmet.
I had an extremely enlightening therapy session the other day. For the first time she urged me to view ED as something positive. Yes, you read correctly. I know by now that ED serves some ridiculously strong purpose for me or else I would be able to let it go. I've also realized I can not connect ED with spirituality because the notion of self-hatred and self-destruction embarrasses me as I feel shameful and disobedient against God. I was convinced of this until yesterday. What purpose does ED serve? A place of comfort. It's my place of refuge when I want to shut out the rest of the world and hide my feelings. In simpler terms, ED is the easy way out-- it's my sanctuary. Wait, so self-destruction and misery is my place of peace and serenity. This concept was very difficult for me to grasp at first, until I thought it through.ED and spirituality aren't separate entities. Rather, they are on a spectrum, which may look like this:
Rather than attempting to eliminate ED, I need to shift my focus and obsession more towards spirituality. Overall, I was right-- I can not have both ED and spirituality, now I just know why.
My therapist also warned me that I have 8 weeks to form a plan and get my act together if I want to go back to school in the spring. I don't even know where to start...
This weekend I am driving up to Muhlenberg to celebrate Jamie's 21st birthday. I can not express how excited I am to live vicariously through someone else's obliteration at the bars. And her gifts are awesome (if I may say so myself). My goal for this weekend is to shift my focus from ED onto Jamie. I want this weekend to be entirely about her, ED better not sneak into my suitcase this time around.
Have a spookaticular weekend and Happy Halloween!
"It takes a deep commitment to change and an even deeper commitment to grow." - Ralph Ellison