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Friday, October 2, 2009

Self Care... a necessity, and Brittni: this one is for you.
I care. It's what I love to do. I love helping, giving, fixing and loving others. I'd take a bullet for any one of my friends or family members without thinking twice. I don't want to be praised or patted on the back, though--that's not where this is going. I've spent so much of my time worrying about others that I forgot about myself. In past relationships I "wore my heart on my sleeve" and gave myself to the other unconditionally. If he struggled, I took on the 'handy-man', if you will, role. I had to fix it. Yes, I was Bob the Builder. Furthermore, when my friends struggle , I'm there to offer advice and a helping hand. One can say my role as Bob the Builder is extremely busy. So busy, that I forgot to take care of myself. And look where it got me--in a hospital bed. 
So, this weekend I promise to take care of myself. I promise to engage in self-care activities to distract me from irrational thoughts and ED behavior. So what self-care will distract me this weekend? The following 'hobbies' are on the top of my list:
Yoga. The practice brings me back to the moment, I am able to be mindful and relaxed.
Cooking. Uncovering new food and recipe discoveries is like finding the toy at the bottom of the cereal box.
Music. Playlists save lives. So does singing along to the songs that help me through any emotion.
Clothes, fashion & the like. Well I enjoy pretending like I know fashion...aka I watch Rachel Zoe religiously and hang around Brittni :)
Photography. Lately I've been mindful of the beauty that surrounds me. I want to capture it all so it can serve the purpose to remind me of the beauty when I feel all is hopeless and lost.
Journaling. Well, this one was a given. I can't express enough how therapeutic writing has been for me throughout the recovery process. It's my method of processing, organizing and venting my thoughts. Then once the thoughts are on paper, I decide what to journal about. And voila, I blog.

All in all, I promise to take care of myself this weekend. I promise to put myself first... Well, at least I promise to try

This week has been long and mentally draining; However, I feel just a tad bit better than last Friday. I owe most of my progress and dedication to Brittni. She has been my rock, friend and sister since her admittance to the EDU. I admire her strength, strong will and sense of her identity. Brittni is a rock star--no, she is the rock star. I dedicated this entry to her because she needs to learn to value and appreciate herself. She deserves a break more than anyone I know. Speaking of breaks: Brittni take your break!

I plan to enjoy my time alone at home tonight by becoming best friends with the DVR and cuddling with the remote.

"There are moments when one feels free from one's own identification with human limitations and inadequacies. At such moments one imagines that one stands on some spot of a small planet, gazing in amazement at the cold yet profoundly moving beauty of the eternal, the unfathomable; life and death flow into one, and there is neither evolution nor destiny; only Being."  Albert Einstein

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