Jamie and I are both sick, which is a sign we were clearly never meant to be apart-- Getting sick was completely worth it, though.
As I anxiously lay in bed contemplating all the things I should (there's that word again) be doing, I've taken the time to think about what
I enjoy doing.
My time spent as music director for the Vokols changed my life in so many ways. I could have had the most miserable day, yet as soon as I sat on that piano bench, my problems seemed to disappear. My fingers came alive on contact with each key. Despite my stress and anxiety, I relaxed and softened as I played. I want to feel that way again.
As it's been noted, "You know Rebecca's mood by whether or not she's singing". It is undoubtedly true that when I'm happy or content, I will sing and when I'm in a foul mood, I won't. for a while I started writing lyrics & piano accompaniments. I'm not sure why I ever stopped; however, I could guess that my lack of confidence served as a primary reason.
Yet another way to relieve stress is to cook--more specifically, bake. Though I can follow a recipe and prepare a dinner, there's just something about baking I find therapeutic. Perhaps it's because I used to have such a sweet tooth. Though recently I haven't been able to tear apart the kitchen, I hope to and look forward to time well spent over a hot stove.
Though I have many regrets about my past, perhaps the most detrimental decision I made was not to read. I never had the patience nor energy to sit and just read, for pleasure. Furthermore, I never understood how others could. I would search libraries and book shelves all over town looking for a book that might hold my interest. I felt that way until this past year-- Actually since I entered the hospital. All of a sudden, I was fascinated by books. I have always had a passion for learning, but I never conceived I could from books. I am quite embarrassed I never enjoyed reading, I feel not as cultured or knowledgeable about life, people and stories taught outside the classroom. I guess now, I am attempting to make up for lost time. (Plus, it's not a bad time to pick up some vocabulary skills, as I prepare for the GRE's.)
Similarly, I have discovered a passion for writing. This blog has opened my eyes to the accomplishments I can achieve. Because I was never an avid reader, I never thought of myself as a competent writer-- in fact, I still don't. However, I love to write. There's such a satisfaction I feel as I release my feelings, thoughts and emotions in a therapeutic and healthy manner. It has also helped settle my anger or frustration towards others in the past. I find that if I write a letter to a friend, boyfriend or family member, without sending it, I instantly feel relieved. You should try it sometime.
Running outdoors (and nature in general) allow me to free myself from whatever I hold on to. It's as simple as pie (hehe). Fresh air and the release of endorphins does wonders for the body. I feel free in nature, I feel as though my clipped wings have suddenly grown out and I am able to fly. I recommend exploring the outdoors several times a week and note what it does for you.
There are a plethora of activities I enjoy, I just need to take the initiative to incorporate them back into my life. My goal for today is to first and foremost, rest until I am better. I also want to focus on the enjoyments I find in life and compose and 8 week plan that will lead me back to Pitt.