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Monday, November 30, 2009

"LIVE, laugh, LOVE"

I'm confused. I'm at a standstill. But I had a (mini) revelation.

There is more to life than the present moment. While it's important to 'just be', I've found it's more beneficial to look at the big picture. College was is the once in a lifetime experience I'll never get to relive. But, lately I've had a desire for more, I've been dreaming of the future I can potentially make mine. I want to travel. I want to explore and learn. Though I'm not the most intellectually adept, I am a closet nerd. I'd love to venture from places such as the History of Modern Art Museum to the world's greatest landmarks. I want to give to others. I am fortunate to have been raised in a healthy, comfortable household. Thus, there is no excuse to live life without sharing a bit of what I have. The Jewish people call this act, Tikkun Olam, a Hebrew phrase that means, "repairing the world". There is an abundance of potential for every single person born on this Earth. I believe we were brought to this world for a reason and purpose, though many (including myself) have yet to figure out just what it is or who are blind sighted. Inside of each and every one of us, there is powerful, passionate and unique force that drives ambition and power. We hold the power to do anything we set our minds to. We are all worth it. 

But I don't want to go to the museums or third world countries alone. I want to establish a lifetime full of memories, laughs and tears with my best friend, as I dream that there is someone in this great, big world who shares my aspirations and passions in life. I believe in fate, faith and love and I won't settle for anything less than everything. 

Despite my revelation, as I look ahead I often wonder, "Why then, do I hold onto this eating disorder? Why do I allow ED to hold me back from this apparent 'potential'?" But the truth is, there may not be a concrete answer, thus I should not waste time searching for it. I am what I am and have what I have, in this moment, and that's good enough for me. Everything happens for a reason, and though life is not always fair, it's all we've got. So, I will make the most out of the present to aim for the brighter future that I know awaits me.

Henry: Do you really think there is only one perfect mate?
Leonardo da Vinci: As a matter of fact, I do.
Henry: Well then how you can be certain to find them? And if you do find them, are they really the one for you or do you only think they are? And what happens if the person you're supposed to be with never appears, or, or she does, but you're too distracted to notice?
Leonardo da Vinci: You learn to pay attention.
Henry: Then let's say...God...puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or, was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be?
Leonardo da Vinci: You cannot leave everything to Fate, boy. She's got a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand.

--Ever After


  1. I know you will find the things you're looking for, because you're so worth it! And I think you chose the right path...just follow through!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  2. I love this post. So meaningful. Keep soul searching. You're worth it.

  3. i love reading yoru posts- tehy really get me thinking. and i know how you feel, how can we think so rationally but yet still let something as seemingly silly as an eating disorder hold us back? It is because we have let the disorder become a part of us, and no matter how terrible, it is always hard to let something htat is part of you go. you can do this though, i truly believe you will get to experience all of your dreams!

  4. beautiful revelation :)
    balancing the moment and the big picture of life is the trouble with life, i struggle with it and tend to live either one way or the other, balance seems to escape me.
    but you are right, we are who we are right now, and that is good enough, accepting life as it is (the ups and the downs) makes it all the more beautiful.
    we are all worth it, we all deserve to live life for ourselves, all we need to do is truly believe it.

    so i've never seen ever after, and i now feel as though i've been missing out, totally watching it this weekend :)
    hope you had a wonderful thanksgiving week...and i think you did [guilty of mild facebook picture stalking....]
    xoxo happy monday dear

  5. I love that there's an actual word to describe sharing yourself with and giving yourself to the world.
    We've only got one life, we've only been given one life, and ultimately it is up to us what we do with it. You only get out of life what you give; give it all and you will accomplish and achieve the best of things.

    This post is really what I needed, so thank you.


  6. Your posts always open me up to a deeper meaning, and they always leave me with something to think about - and always with a positive outcome
    love love

  7. Wow girly... You write and ask so many things that are in my mind!!
    I get chills by reading your post because this is something that I think of all the time! I adore your writing stile and enjoy reading about your (and mine) thoughts...
    Keep doint what you do and you will succeed!! I'm fairly sure of it!!
    You're just awesome!! Love, n.

  8. this post came at the perfect timing for me. such a wonderful wake up call. thank you for posting this sweetie!

  9. I love your acknowledgment that there may not be a "concrete answer" to why you tussle with ED. What's happened has happened. Now it's up to you to do your best to push aside those thoughts, change your unhealthy behaviors, and pursue your dreams!

  10. you are so inspirational, my dear.
    There is definatly not a true answer for all of lifes , many, questions.. but its an adventure to find them out for yourself. :)

  11. it is good to be present, but it is especially important to know where you're going. you sound like you're in a good place.

  12. Wow, you're posts are inspirational! I love reading them. You're a really good person, and I can see you acheiving alot in tikun olam. (Maybe we meet?)