I believe happiness is something we create for ourselves. It's not something that can be found through success. No, it's merely the opposite. If one is happy, one is successful. As we grow up, our ambitions, priorities, and relationships change. Many struggle with the notion of change which results in confusion and frustration with the endless pursuit of happiness. When I was 6 years old, I was most happy when taken out for ice cream. There was nothing that could cheer me up like a chocolate chip ice cream cone. When I was 16 years old, I was in my first relationship. That brought my happiness because I felt wanted, needed, and loved. However, relationships don't always last and neither do ice cream cones. When I was dumped I thought it was the end of the world. I thought I would drown in my own misery. However, I'm still here, still single, and still happy. Why? Because I've learned the importance of self-endowed happiness. I believe that with each experience we learn, mature and feel. How did I get back on my feet after a broken heart or failed exam? Perhaps a little faith and a lot of acceptance. Though we grow and change I've found that my faith has stayed by my side. Its loyalty and consistency have allowed me to hold onto it, as one would with a precious stone when all else seems lost or vanished. With faith kept buried deep in my pocket reminding me everything happens for a reason, comfort and inner peace is restored. I believe this attributes to an understanding and ability to let go and trust the process, because I may not always get taken out for ice cream and I may be single for a long time. But, that does not mean happiness can't be found. As I continue to grow and change as a person the definition of happiness will also change.
How has happiness recently been restored? Currently, I am forbidden to exercise. At first, I was terrified. I thought the world would surely end as I would transform into a massive human being. However, I came to a realization. I was still happy. I felt better because I couldn't pressure myself to work out. There were no voices screaming, "Run faster! Burn more calories!" The power was out of my hands, thus I had to let go and trust the process. I had to accept the situation I was confronted with. Since I had plenty of time, I decided to shift my focus to what I could control and was able to change my attitude, priorities, and goals. The past several weeks I've realized I enjoy eating socially with friends and family. The social aspect of meals brings people together as each individual shares a piece of themselves with others. Because I was forbidden to exercise I was able to take the time to recognize the joy of social dining and of intuitive eating.
Though I remain unsure about what the future holds with faith in my back pocket I can walk tall and smile, as I learn to accept myself and my surroundings. Tonight, I will reflect on this past year and recall moments of happiness, sorrow, strength, weakness, and all that rests in between. I will reflect and I will wish for pleasant dreams.
"Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. if you can't love and respect yourself, no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are- comepletely; the good and the bad."