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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Restored Hope

Note to Self: Make me s'more when I feel down:
1. mix Stonyfield's french vanilla with 1T cinnamon raisin swirl pb and a chopped banana
2. add a pinch of dark chocolate cocoa powder
3. place in freezer for 5-10 minutes to thicken
4. graciously pour cereal (today I chose Fiber 1 Honey Clusters) and mix well
5. stir in a few mini marshmallows

And viola, you've got s'mores for breakfast. YUM.
(I know, it's terribly simple. But that's how I like it)

After being let down this past weekend, I vowed to embrace the new week without looking back. Well, it's Wednesday, but nonetheless I've decided to do so. What was left unknown has been clarified, and nothing more can be done. I must move on. I could certainly sit and feel sorry for myself or dwell on what 'could have' or 'should have' been, but I know those thoughts won't change the reality. What's done has been done and I do not have time to look back. Instead, I am trying to focus my energy towards the beauty that surrounds me and the little bit of hope I know rests deep within my soul. One could say I'm going through a slight identity crisis, now that I feel alone and a few steps backwards. I've forgotten who I am as I've been so entangled in this recovery on speed mess. But as I search blogs, books, music and life outside the walls I'm trapped behind, there is beauty to be found and restored in this very moment. Life is what it is, and what it is is beautiful. Therefore, like I've done in the past, I will mop up and discard the mess and move forward by staying in the present.

So who am I? I know I'm a 21 year old female with an abundance of passionate energy (oh, yes.) And now that hope has been restored, a choice must be made-- what to do with this energy. Though I'm never one to be short on words, I currently find myself at a loss. Therefore, I've turned to the beautiful and talented Taylor Swift for some inspiration--

A Place In This World"

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do


I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Could you tell me what more do I need
And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's ok

[Repeat Chorus]

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission
But I'm ready to fly

Dance Dance on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Over the next several days, I hope to find  the beauty I know exists. It is the most wonderful time of the year, after all, so there must be inspiration waiting for me to capture. I  hold tremendous gratitude and appreciation for every beautiful person in my life. And I thank you for being you because you make me better.


  1. beautiful words girl-you are so beautiful on the inside-your soul shines through, look for it and i know you will find it.

    ps love your theory about making a s'more :)

  2. You're so strong and determined, you will reach that ultimate goal and you deserve it so much!

    xxx Julia (Taste of Living)

  3. i'm with you, who cares that its wednesday its possible to make a change in the middle of the week. i've been bouncing around the past and the future, the present tends to escape me, but that is what we have the present to be in this life and live it. keep searching for the inspiration its there :) but never forget the here and now.
    hope you have a wonderful day beautiful!! lovee the smores!!

  4. What a beautiful post. I'm always inspired by the goal to rediscover passions, to bring them to life. When I feel stuck in recovery, one of the first things I do is sit and think about what excites me in life, what makes life WITHOUT anorexia rich and wonderful. Some days, I can only list a few things, but I can always list SOMETHING. Movies, books, writing, cats, yoga. It's easy to get discouraged, but I think there's always a reason to move on from the discouragement and find a new motivation. You have a great attitude! Just your choice to make s'mores for breakfast reflects your passion. I mean, how creative and fun!
    Have a great day!

  5. i know you are going to fly :) what a great post. and that sounds so delicious. you are inspiring with your writing love- brightened my day!


  6. It's so wonderful that you're finding inspiration and comfort in broadening your horizons and embracing your surroundings.

    I've only just started reading but from what I can tell you've been through such a rough time recently that I hope it was some kind of catharsis for you; the final exorcism of the demons which have been haunting you for so long. It's often said but I do believe that EDs fight the hardest when we're on the verge of conquering them...

    You are such a beautiful person yourself, both inside and out. I wish you all the luck in the world with this new stage in your life :)



  7. I actually teared up, reading this.
    It's surprising just how much I can relate to your words. Procrastinating and thinking about the "what ifs" is an extremely bad habit, and you're right, it doesn't change the reality of things.
    It's the here and now that matters most, and to enjoy our lives we have to take notice of what is around us. The small things, the things that usually go unnoticed, are usually the most important ones.

    Thank you so much for your beautiful words, on my post and in this post. You uplift and inspire, and make me smile.
    Thank you.

    Eleanor. xo

  8. restored hope is the best kind! smores brekkie looks delish! and i'm so glad you were able to rationalize your thoughts and come back to us :] you are so incredibly motivating and let me help you out a bit with this "identity crisis"--you are beautiful, smart, insightful, artistic, and a positive influence on all others.

    oh, and one more thing, you are NOT ed :]

    love you girlie <3

  9. yum, smores...I haven't had those is way to long!...

  10. The "so who am I?" question is so simple yet so essential. That is why my blog is named two feet ten toes. I know that I have two feet and ten toes. Therefore, I am as capable and worthwhile as anyone else out there.
    I like that you are moving forward by staying in the present. That really is the only way to move forward, isn't it? Thanks again for sharing.

  11. Girl, you rock! I love you and your posts because I can really feel you and your heart. You are amazing!

    Thank you for reminding us all to think "who am I" we are the most important person to ourselves....


  12. Your s'mores breakfast looks and sounds amazing. Thanks for sharing what was in the mix :)

    You are glowing with motivation. Keep fighting, I know you will win.

  13. I'm not sure if I have commented on your blog in the past (?) but I am a frequent lurker and decided to speak today :P

    Thanks for the bout of positivity =) Reading posts like this always starts my day off with a motivational boost.

    You are so incredibly strong :) Keep it up!

  14. Your words are beautiful
    And you help others more than you know.
    Trust me, I am going through the struggle also. An identity crisis of over a year and never ending. Where have I gone and when will I come back?
    The days are agonizing, but stay in the present moment. Like Santiago said "eat when it is time to eat...move along when it is time to move along"...
    and lovely smores :)

  15. i'm so sorry to read you've been going through some struggles - but this post was so inspiring & uplifting - you really do have a wonderful way with words. thank youuuuuuuu for sharing, seriously.

    love the song:) hehe i love song lyrics, where else can you find exactly what you feel & need but in song & lyrics??

    here's to seeing the beauty that IS everywhere in this season (& you know, all the time, we just gotta keep paying attention)...

    <3 all my love.

  16. People's resolutions to change things at the beginning of the week, or the beginning of the new year, or whatever arbitrary date they set for themselves... it's silly. You should focus on RIGHT NOW, whenever it is, even if it's a random Wednesday. I admire your attitude :D I also admire your breakfast, which looks like a Sundae!

  17. that lil recipe of yours sounds goooood :)