You get up one morning feeling thin. You put on your thin clothes (the ones you would avoid on a "bad" day.) You drive down the road, look down, and suddenly your thighs are HUGE... you "feel fat". You've heard fat is not a feeling, you know you didn't really gain 10 pounds in the last few hours, so what's the deal?
Imagine you are at a fork in the road. You have a choice of which path to take.
You can take the left path-- What is the solution for "I feel fat?" To focus and change weight and body.
But by exercising and restricting you are moving away from the solution.
There's also the right path-- What is the solution for "I feel uncomfortable?"
Focus on the problem and reframe the feeling (i.e.Could I feel uncomfortable describe the fat feeling?)
Go back to the fork and look at the problem.
You sit with the feelings, perhaps thinking, "I don't like this. At least when I feel fat I'm distracted."
You look at the problem, moving to the solution as you think, "Hmm. Maybe I'm uncomfortable because..."
"Gee, I really feel overwhelmed lately, my boss dumped another project on me."
The flight to safety would be to think how fat you are and change the body. However, with awareness of the problem you can deal with it.
= No fat feelings
"I feel fat"-->I feel uncomfortable
--> I feel fat--> Lose weight
--> I feel overwhelmed--> Deal with it
When you are on the path to the solution, you are moving further away from the need to change your body. Moving to the solution involves identifying the feeling and dealing with it. So anytime you start to say "I feel fat", translate that into "I feel uncomfortable", and determine the best course of action.
While I do make choices every single day on which path I choose, I must also keep in mind that my brain has been wired a way that creates the disillusioned thoughts. So when I or loved ones become frustrated with my struggles and ambivalence towards recovery, I can not be so hard on myself. I want to be healthy, happy and successful and I'm working my ass off every single day to get there.
Today my team of doctors met to discuss my progress thus far since my termination at Princeton's EDU. Tonight I have a family session in which we will conclude whether or not I will be able to return to University of Pittsburgh in January. Breathe in. Breathe out.