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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Bonjour, i miei amici.

No, it is not a mistake. Yes, I meant for the title of this post to be two different languages. 

I'd like to present a short, simple story.

Flickr Photo Download: l e m o n k e h

Featuring a lemon.
(bare with me)





Sometimes, there are lemons.


Thrown at us by life.

Tumblr_l3qwvktgrk1qzkfbpo1_500_large

 I suppose we could make lemonade.

Fly free .

Or perhaps, we can chuck them right back. 


This time, the lemons have come disguised as ED.



 I could get angry.



 I could allow my vulnerability to overcome me.



Or, I can embrace the lemons.



 I can smell them, taste them, feel them.





And throw them right back.



Because, sometimes we must remember there are choices.  




And we must remember that with every choice comes a consequence. 



 It may not be experienced right away, but the consequence is there.



And it will haunt you.



It's only a matter of time. 



So, I have been given a choice.



Are these pictures not enough of a reason to throw the lemons back?




A member of my former treatment team, whom I greatly admire, told me something very wise, that I will never forget. It was my last day of treatment at this particular place (for the second time) when she sat me down to say goodbye.  She said, "Rebecca, when recovery seems easy, when you feel like you're getting the hang of it-- that's the time to step it up."  I froze.  She looked me in the eye and continued, "Because I'll be honest with you-- recovery isn't meant to be easy.  It's hard.  It's a miserable process."  At that moment, I looked down to let a tear seep out.  I felt hopeless.  "But, I promise you that it is worth it.  I promise that the agony and suffering you experience along the way, make the results that much more worth it.  This is your chance for freedom.  A chance to live your life".  I remember hugging her so tightly because I felt relieved to know an escape was (and IS) possible.  I think about her words quite often and am grateful to have been under her guidance.

"To get through the hardest journey we need take only one step at a time, but we must keep on stepping."-- Chinese Proverb

26 comments:

  1. i'm crying right now. thank you so much.

    the past few days have been increasingly difficult and this morning all i could think was "i'm a failure. a fat, fat failure." i was being torn between eating and restricting but now...i'm not going to. i can't. because you're right, this is the fight for my life and even though it's absolute agony, i CANNOT give up.

    thank you. THANK YOU.

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  2. I am grateful for knowing you, as you share so much beauty, insight and inspiration with us.
    Thank you, thank you for being here for us - and for yourself.

    Recovery is not easy, time and time again therapists told me this. That it might be the hardest war I've ever experience. But it is worth it, life is worth it. There is no need for explanation, that is true. Our ED might try to tell us otherwise, but those beliefs comes from sources who want us dead.

    Thank you again - you are a gift.

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  3. That was beautiful. <3

    No matter how difficult ED seems, recovery IS possible and it IS worth it. Sometimes it just seems impossible when ED darkens our thoughts with its own. I can't even count how many times I've just wanted to give up and stop fighting but whenever I push forward, something happens to make me know that I'm doing the right thing.

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  4. I think this is the first time I've ever commented on this (even though I've creepily read every single one haha). I'm glad you're working hard, it WILL pay off! If you need any more Europe motivation, see my Paris, Venice and Bergamo albums on fb :). Love you!

    The next part is in Spanish because of your language theme (sorry I don't do French or Italian :() for this post and I think it's prettier than English. Puedes hacer cualquier cosa que lo pongas a tu mente, porque ya sabes que VALE LA PENA LA VIDA :). Te creo en ti una cantidad IMENSA.

    Also, some great quotes I found fo you:

    "Para que los cambios tengan un valor verdadero deben ser consistentes y duraderos."

    "Fija tus ojos hacia adelante en lo que puedes hacer, no hacia atras en lo que no puedes cambiar."

    "Las creencias tienen el poder de crear y de destruir. Los seres humanos tienen la abilidad de tomar una experiencia en sus vidad y crear un significado destructivo o salvar sus vidas."


    www.google.com/translate :)

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  5. That is some great advice :-) Beautiful pictures too.

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  6. i love the pictures and the advice -often times the hardest things we need to do in life are the best things we could do...

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  7. just wanted to thank you for your plethora of lovely comments the past few weeks :)


    xoxo

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  8. This is very good advice - it's tempting to sit back and relax when recovery seems to be going well, which can put us at risk for relapse...as I found out earlier this year.

    Sarah x

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  9. Beautiful words,
    thank you for the inspiration <3

    oh and this makes me want to go back to italy so bad!

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  10. This post is so beatuiful! I loved the story aspect of it too. The ending paragraph sharing you story from treatment illustrated to me that recovery is possible. Often times I feel hopeless and like it's too hard, but I know it will be worth it in the end just like you said. Thank you very much for the inspirational words :)

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  11. Thank you so much for this post, Becca. <3

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  12. I can only accept 100% with what you were told here. recovery is not easy. it is not a chilled process. I have been feeling like everything was just relaxed around me but then I realized well I am not moving forward. I am staying in another comfort zone of anoreixa! Thank you for sharing this. I will keep it in my mind to day to help me deal with the challenges that lie ahead

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  13. great post. made me think of what's happened so far. THANK YOU so much for cheering me up re : no interview. Thank you.

    Xoxooxx

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  14. Very powerful- I needed that. Thank you < 3

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  15. You are such a strong beautiful person, Rebecca. Keep on fighting, your life is too valuable to loose, and you are going to accomplish extraordinary things <3 I'm here to support you and tell you RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE AND MORE THAN WORTH THE AGONY.

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  16. "Embrace the lemons" -- I like that. It's sage advice. I need to do more of that myself. And the pictures -- absolutely gorgeous. Definitely worth fighting the ED if you can go to those places and have the time of your life. It is a dream of mine to have real pasta in Italy.

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  17. This was so beautifully written. Keep on stepping my dear.

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  18. love love love this. & your blog.
    just found ya.
    be well, alexia.

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  19. Thank you for your last comment on my blog, seriously, thank you!
    I guess you are right, when the things get easier, that's the moment we have to push harder, step out of yet another comfort zone. I need to remember that

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  20. Gosh. You are SO right. Recovery isn't meant to be easy and a breeze. To often during my times of "recovery", I let loose. I stopped fighting as hard, and just spiraled down. But I believe complete recovery IS possible. One day, you WILL find it easy, because it just simply doesn't bother you anymore. You have other things to worry about, to love, to care about. So really, having it "easy" can go two completely different ways.

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  21. you are beyond amazing. In so many ways. You CAN do this. Recovery is just a word...and when you look at that you can defeat this thing. Recovery is so much more than anyone on the outside can see...but no ED will ever be big enough for you to conquer it.
    Live every minute, taste every morsel this world has to offer you. Life is too short not too.

    xo-Molly
    www.givinganythingbutup.wordpress.com

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  22. I LOVE this. Beautiful words and pictures.

    Thanks for sharing what your treatment provider said. I really needed to hear that... it's so true, but I often forget it.

    Recovery, happiness, freedom... it IS worth the hard stuff.

    You are spectacular, my dear.

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  23. Beautiful, beautiful post. I'm glad you've accepted your therapist's advice and are throwing those lemons back at ED. Recovery is miserable, but I have absolute confidence that you'll reach it fully one day. Love!

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  24. I needed to hear that. I think I knew it in my heart already but, I needed to hear it.

    Recovery isn't meant to be easy. It's time for me to step it up.

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  25. wow this post!my name's martina and I come from Italy...I would like you visit my blog and if you want...follow me!I wait you and your tips!kiss kiss ^^

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