It's been a while, probably too long of a while, but that's life. Nonetheless I wanted to 'check in' and process the events that have been happening in this increasingly busy and hectic life.
I'm doing well. Wait, who am I trying to fool? I'm doing really well. I started my new job, and although I feel like a fish out of water, I'm hanging in there. My cases are challenging, but I'm learning and taking it one day at a time, without letting stress and anxiety overcome me-- Because I know I'm doing the best that I can, and that must be enough. Despite the challenges I'm presented with, I absolutely love the job so far. These kids and adolescents are the most remarkable people I've ever met, and I want nothing more than to see them thrive in this world. I need to be patient, understanding, and willing to learn and research. I must put them before me, and the only way I can fully provide my undivided attention is to make sure I take care of myself first. Which I'm most certainly doing.
I've realized that there is a whole world out there, and it's within my grasp. There is nothing I can't achieve if I can battle and successfully overcome the fear of failure, rejection and disappointment. I am my only own worst enemy-- or I was. Since the fall, I've learned so much about myself, which has not been an easy task. In fact, it's been painful, challenging and upsetting to face what has been avoided for so long. The memories that once haunted are resurfaced, the uncomfortable physical sensations (you know, the heart racing, throat closing, butterfly churning) come back and the emotions almost feel unbearable to sit with. But I've done it. I'm working on it. And I will succeed.
I am so grateful for the friends, family and community that have supported me, unconditionally. I've learned the value in indefinite friendships. Even with hundreds of miles and months of separation, there are few, and greatly appreciated, people who remain close to the heart and who always come back. I consider myself very blessed to have such an incredible support system, attributed to the fact that it's because I let them in. I am constantly reminded that we, the human race, are needy people. I'm needy. You're needy. We need people. The strength of the relationships we form is immeasurable and something so special and sacred if we allow ourselves to establish that bond-- if we let others in. Everyone goes through their personal tribulations, that can not be quantified or qualified, and must not be ignored. Rather, it should be appreciated and shared with others. We are needy.
In summation, I am happy, overall. I have begun the graduate school application process, am searching for jobs for next year and hope to move into Center City by the fall. I have much to look forward to, including a trip to Europe, several weddings and an annual family vacation. But for now, I will continue to live in the moment, appreciating every day for what it is while keeping patience and my support system in tact.
In the following posts, I hope to elaborate more on my progress with the job, cultural, social and political issues I am interested in and time in the kitchen, in addition to my progress with my recovery! I have rediscovered my passion for cooking/baking and have come across many appetizing creations.
What can I say, I'm just taking bites out of life... (Cheesy new blog title?)
I first saw this on Molly's blog, and I absolutely love it. Definitely something to think about:
“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.”