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Thursday, September 27, 2012

To Be Honest...

... life has transformed and is considerably different from when I first started this blog. In return, this blog has transformed itself into an outlet for vast purposes. First, it was to keep my family and friends informed of what was happening as I was given a second chance at life.  From there it transpired into a diary documenting my daily struggles and battle to obtain my health. There was a period of time it became a space devoted to my passion for food, health and running, but when I got sick again, I knew there were ulterior motives. Then of course there was that time I was given yet another chance to move forward. I explored the world beyond ED and decided to keep this blog within a private community.

I would be lying if I said, "I am recovered."  Context is everything.  Am I physically healthy? Yes, I am healthy and have been for over a year at this point.  Am I happy? Yes, I have been blessed with the most beautiful family and friends.  So, I suppose one could conclude that from the outside looking in I am indeed healthy and happy.

But while the outside looks clear, the storms still brew inside.  It would not be just if I described my thoughts and feeling on this blog though, because ultimately, I am the only one who has the power to clear the skies.  How I think about myself.  How I feel about myself. The anxiety and insecurity that cuts down to the core is all internal work now.  Don't get me wrong, life is indeed wonderful and I am grateful for where I am and all I have.  But, what darkness is left can only be brightened by my own work.

Perhaps one day when I'm finally, finally, there and not here I will share. But for now it would only be of selfish means.

To be honest, I think it's time that this blog finally reaches its end.  I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this, especially those who have reached out and offered their support.  I can honestly say that without it I would not have gotten to this point and I continue to be overwhelmed and humbled by the strength of the blogging community.

For those who continue to need a voice, an ear, or a hug-- I am always here and can be reached at R-------@gmail.com.

Au revior & stay in purple,
Rebecca

1 comment:

  1. sorry to start reading right as this is ending, but i just had to tell you i'm proud of you, and even prouder to call you my friend.

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